Washed Out Brain
by HailForTheQueen
Summary: It seems that Shizuo has finally gained complete control over his strength after being operated on by Shinra and his father. Shizuo can now only use his strength when his boss (Tom Tanaka) tells him to which is fine with Shizuo, now he never has to hurt others unwilling again. But with an unyielding Izaya and new issues he must face in order to function, how well can he cope?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Hellooo! I know I've been on a break forever but, I'm back now and writing for different fandoms! I hope you guys love Drrr! as much as I do and enjoy my story because I plan to write it for quite some time! Since this is my first fic for this fandom, characters may seem OOC but, hopefully they'll become more IC as the story progresses! Please show your support by leaving Reviews, Follows and Favourites,they give me so much motivation!

Enjoy~

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"How... How dare you!" Shizuo screamed, his face contorting from rage as he spat out his half-smoked cigarette and sprinted towards his already fleeing target: Orihara Izaya, the very bane of his existence. His scuffed shoes pounded on the concrete as he willed himself to run just that much faster to catch up with Izaya and somehow defend his brother's honour because Kasuka was nothing like the flea had just described - opinions and freedom of speech a foreign concept when it comes to family. His eyes and anger remained focused on the raven as he ran through the pavement pedestrians had the sense to clear, because a bartender chasing a informant was bad news and the city of Ikebukuro itself had enough experience to know what happened when people stopped to stare.

They ran like that for a while, their rapid breathing and targets the only thing being acknowledged - well, at least for Shizuo. Izaya on the other hand was having plenty of fun taunting the blonde: maybe a little too much fun.

Yes, that's right, he had an appointment soon enough and what good would it be to show up in sweat-stained clothes and out of breath all because he provoked a beast into chasing him relentlessly. It wouldn't do, he was too much of a perfectionist, a professional. Of course he knew bad-mouthing Kasuka would rile up his enemy in mere seconds, (just mentioning the name earned him a death-glare), however, he of all people should have considered the fact that maybe getting Shizuo that angry was a bad idea when you need to be on schedule.

Instead of scolding himself, he chose to smirk and run faster, only looking back to push Shizuo to his limits. Why regret what you can turn in your favour? Every time he tore up part of his beloved city only proved to Shizuo that he really was a monster, why not make him deprecate himself just a little more?

"Well Shizu-chan, it seems that I've run out of time to play with you, I've got places to be after all, I do have a _real_ job."

He didn't get much of a reply, just a growl and a determined look, the type a lion may get when about to jump a zebra. Too bad that zebra had been avoiding lions for years and could escape hungrier ones.

He chuckled to himself, thinking of Shizuo as a lion and him as a zebra, how amusing because, Izaya Orihara was anything but prey and Shizuo Heiwajima was certainly no king of any kingdom.

"How about you come to my place, I'm sure you'd love that _Shizu-chan~"_

Still no reply, only the faint chant of "Killkillkillkill..."

Maybe he was becoming tired, not enough brain power of breath to retort with: after all this was most likely one of the longest chases they've had in quite a while and even Izaya had to admit, he was starting to feel the fatigue and he really did need to get to his apartment.

Which is exactly what he chose to do. The chase started to lead to Shinjuku and, seeing as Shizuo was still pursuing him, he decided leading him into his territory would put him on higher grounds when he fought the beast.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going, Flea?" Shizuo yelled, struggling to catch his breath as he stepped inside of the luxurious apartment complex.

"Why, to my apartment of course. What are you going to do, huff and puff and blow my house down?"

If it wasn't the belittling words, it was definitely that disgusting laugh that grated against his ears which set him off again. He stormed to the little pest who was smirking as his slender body moved further, the tail of his coat shifting around him until he was standing in front of an open elevator.

Shizuo's rage-induced snarl fell abruptly as he looked doubtfully at the small space he'd have to enter if he wanted to know precisely where Izaya was going so that he could fight the flea but before he even had a chance to decide whether it was a smart idea or not, Izaya decided to pipe up.

"Well, I'm off, bye Shizu-chan," he said as he stepped in. "Don't forget to tell Kasuka-kun I said 'hi' and that me and my friends will be joining him _very_ soon."

"IIIIZZZAAAYYYAAAA!"

And before he even knew what he was doing, he had jumped right into the elevator with the smirking flea, just as the door closed behind him.

"Haha, we can continue this on the top floor, number 12,"

But he didn't get any reply at all, not even that low throaty growl that was just music to his ears. Instead, he got a pale-faced Shizuo gripping onto the bar that ran horizontally on the back wall of the lift, his wide eyes staring at the door.

He couldn't help but burst out laughing. In fact, he laughed so hard that he had to clutch his sides from the pain all while Shizuo continued to stare at the encasing metal.

"Your face! This is priceless haha! Are you claustrophobic or something?" Even by talking about the concept of such a beast being frightened of small spaces pushed him into another laughing fit, he only managed to stop when he realised that they weren't moving at all.

Still smirking, he looked around to see if he could somehow spot the problem but was stopped when he heard the lift groan and creak.

"Huh..?"

Looking to the blonde, he could see that he was beginning to shake, looking around wildly for some kind of solution or escape.

 _Maybe I could have some fun with this..._ He thought, already thinking of a way to make the lift move and frighten the beast more however, he decided against it remembering his meeting.

Izaya just sighed and pressed the emergency button. After a minute, the crackling of speakers coming to life filled the space then a loud voice.

"Sorry about this, we've been having problems with the lift for a few days now aha,"

Great, what the raven could only assume was a newbie by the nervous laughter was sitting around, fiddling with buttons and wires. He raised an eyebrow as the young voice continued.

"I'm fixing it as I speak, you'll be out of there in no time!"

The raven rolled his eyes and turned to look at Shizuo, seeing how he had sunk to the floor, eyes scrunched closed and body protected by his arms wrapping around himself.

Deciding to say something, he opened his mouth to speak. "We'll be out soon, stop being such a baby, Shizu-" but was cut off.

"NO! NOT THAT ONE!" an older male voice yelled through the speakers.

As the lights went out and the lift started creaking, shifting in it's suspended position, even Izaya had to admit he felt his stomach drop. Though it was nothing compared to what Shizuo was going through.

Just hearing the voice yell that alarming message to who he assumed was a new employee was enough to set him off but the sudden lack of light only made things worse.

It was almost as if the air that had been surrounding him was suddenly taken away and replaced with nothing but emptiness.

 _There's no air in here._

 _I'm going to suffocate-_

 _I'm going to slowly die and on the verge of death, plummet into an abyss of pain as the lift drops-_

 _How is it even able to hold my weight-_

 _Those thin cables snapping at any moment.._

 _Air?_

 _Where the fuck is the air-?_

 _I can't breathe-!_

His eyes snapped open at the thought being repeated over and over in his mind, he couldn't breathe. With those words in his mind, he began taking in as much oxygen as he could, his breath hitching as he failed to successfully take in lungfuls of air.

He was going to die, suffocate and be crushed in a tiny metal box with his mortal enemy.

He was never going to see his parents or friends or even Kasuka ever again.

There would be nothing but darkness.

With these new thoughts, he could help but let the tears flow down his cheeks, a weak sob slipping past his lips as he trembled.

Izaya regard this with plenty of humour but, it seemed that his laughter wasn't getting though to the blonde, he was blocking everything out. That was fine with Izaya, he just wanted to escape and take a shower. He sighed and slid down the opposite side to Shizuo, crossing his legs and looking straight ahead as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. It was only when he heard Shizuo starting to scream did he realise how serious this could become.

Shizuo pulled at his hair, failing miserably to ground himself back to reality, the only thing flashing through his mind were images of his friends and family crying at his funeral, reading obituaries and talking about the good times they had with him. Not only that, but the slow pain of suffocating that not even a monster like him could avoid.

 _ **Bang, bang, bang**_ _._ The sound of him slamming his head back against the metal of the metal resounded throughout the small space.

The raven cursed under his breath as he felt the lift creak and shift under the force of the repeated blows that would certainly leave great dents.

"Calm down Shizu-chan, you're going to get us killed if you keep moving like that." Izaya snapped, glaring at the blonde through the darkness between them.

Though, the only reply he was granted with was another bang of a skull against metal and a agonising scream which broke into a hoarse sob.

"Shit, Shizu-chan, you need to calm the hell down, you're starting to give me a headache."

"Fuck... _sob_...you!"

Such a beast, to use such words even while having some kind of breakdown. Typical.

As the hyperventilation and sobs continued with no sign of leaving, the raven stood up and walked over to his enemy, kneeling next to him and staring at the blonde hair he could see clearly through the blackness.

 _Revenge..._

"If you keep hitting your head like that, the single cable holding this lift is gonna snap. If that doesn't kill us, the lack of oxygen will: either way, we're going to die in here, Shizu-chan..."

 _"...we're going to die in here, Shizu-chan..."_

Honey eyes snapped open as his breathing paused. It was final, he was going to die. Maybe it was the fact that another voice had said it aloud hat made it seem like an inevitable punishment.

Placing a hand on the brute's shoulder, he felt as it tensed and shook harder. His smirk grew even wider as he was rewarded with a scream from his comment.

His hyperventilation proceeded to a point where he was on the verge of passing out, the blackness starting to merge into different shapes as his vision blurred with anxiety.

Even as the lights miraculously turned back on and they started moving, the corners and edges were unclear, everything in the room amorphous and difficult to make out. He snapped his eyes shut as he curled more into himself, sobbing as scenes of grief and sorrow overtook his mind.

He didn't even realise when a presence left the lift and a new one entered maybe a few minutes or hours afterwards. He didn't acknowledge as a silence overtook the small space and a gloved hand rubbed circles into his back. He took no notice of the accusing or amused voices floating in the background, the only thing that he remotely took notice of was the small prick he felt in his neck before he was pulled into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

_**I decided that, enough was enough. After joining the Durarara! fandom months ago, I still hadn't written a single fic so, here I am! I absolutely adore the Izuo pairing and have always wanted to write it but, I was afraid that they'd be too OOC, which I think they are however, as I write this I re-watch episodes and read other people's stories so hopefully it should improve as I continue. I know my writing isn't the best (especially compared to all of you amazing authors out there, I learns from you all so, thank you) so please bare with me, I'll hopefully improve that too!**_

 _ **I personally think that there aren't enough fanfics where Shizuo has to be taken care of compared to the amount where Shizuo takes care of Izaya so, here you go, I'll finally contribute to my precious fandom: this is my second obsession after Furuba.**_

 _ **For each chapter, I'll aim for a minimum of about 2,000 words because I want to keep the plot consistent and ongoing - no slow intro or filler chapters.**_

 _ **This story will go on for a while, I'll hopefully have an update per week and this will have about 20 chapters UNLESS you guys give me really good plot ideas. If that happens, the story will most likely be extended to fit that in.**_

 _ **I really appreciate your appreciation haha :) it spurs me on to see those reviews, follows and favourites because I know that you really like my lil' story, so thank you very much to everyone who has contributed to that, enjoy!**_

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"What the hell is wrong with you?" Shinra snapped, narrowing his eyes in an uncharacteristically angered way and glaring daggers into Izaya's very soul.

"What have I done now?"

"Don't play dumb with me Orihara Izaya! You know what you've done," He said, huffing as for once in his life he failed trying to calm himself down.

Although he wasn't used to an angered Shinra, he took the situation in stride and made the most of it by finding the funny side, fuelling his amusement and Shinra's fury as he continued to play mock-innocent.

"Why couldn't you just have not been an absolute prick the first day you met him, maybe then this could have been avoided, maybe then you'd even be friends!" He ranted, serving to make his friend chuckle at the his outrageous wishes.

"I'll have you know that I take pride in the way I treat my 'friend's,"

"I bet you take even more pride in knowing just how completely frightened he is," Shinra said, spitting the words from his mouth in disgust knowing that one of his closest friends was a few rooms away, shaking and most likely sobbing from fright.

"You know me too well,"

"Not. Funny."

Izaya, leaned against the wall, turning his head slightly to the side as he gazed at his friend, his smirk growing wider as the thought of the trembling, screaming blonde entered his head once more causing him to burst into a fit of childish giggles. "On the contrary, it's hilarious, I couldn't think of anything more amusing,"

"How about me punching you in the face?" He threatened, only causing the raven to laugh again, this tie so hard that he had to clutch his sides from the sudden shooting pain.

"Hahahaha! Oh, only a friend as good as you could come up with something funnier than their own joke,"

Shinra could feel overwhelming waves of pain roll through his head the symptoms of an oncoming headache. "I'm being serious!"

"Which just makes it all the more fun!"

"Izaya, stop!"

At the raw anger and irritation in his voice, Izaya squinted his eyes and pouts, knowing if he continues he'll be thrown out and ignored and, consequently miss out on everything else that happens. So he shut up and looked at his bespectacled friend expectantly.

"It's not funny..." he repeats, clutching his forehead and closing his eyes, trying to fight off exhaustion. "He's seriously terrified and the operation seems to have only made it worse, if I'd had known he'd become so... vulnerable, I would've never went through with it." He said, sighing as he leaned against the wall under the eyes of a curious Izaya.

"Operation?" He asked. standing up straight.

"Yeah," Shinra said, his voice conveying fatigue. "He has total control yet at the same time, no control over his strength."

"Go on," Izaya urged.

He was hesitant to reply to the raven as he opened his eyes. The thought of Izaya sending a gang of thugs after Shizuo because he knew he wouldn't be able to fight them off made him frown, already feeling concerned for what could happen. "Actually, I don't know if I should tell you this, Izaya. You're an informant and with this information, you could get Shizuo killed easily."

"I know I may not be the most trustworthy person," he started, trying not to sound as sincere as he really meant, the last thing he needed was Shinra thinking he was a good person deep down or that kind of crap. "But you are one of my few friends, I wouldn't betray you're trust and I know if I did, Celty is your ally and would use her relations to attack me and make me regret it. So you can tell me. Plus you sound tired and stressed, it wouldn't hurt to confide in me every now and then."

He thought about Izaya's earnest words for a moment, weighing the pros and cons before finally giving in and deciding to confess. After all, the whole Shizuo situation was getting out of control, if he had know it would be this much trouble, he would've never suggested it. "He no longer has the ability to use his strength unless his boss or the person 'in charge of him' tells him to use it. They can basically activate and deactivate it." He confessed, shifting so that he was leaning most of his back onto the wall allowing him to easily rest his head onto the cool surface.

"Why would he want that, he has no control,"

"True but, he still controls what he does. Plus, since he works for Tom-san - who he trusts - there's not a problem. Tom-san tell him when to activate it as they go to the places to collect the debts and deactivate it afterwards."

_So that's why he wasn't throwing anything at me..._

"Izaya, whatever you do, please don't tell anyone about this, you need to swear to me that you won't."

In all seriousness, Izaya wouldn't betray one of his few friends, even if the outcome of doing it caused the blonde pain. Friends like Shinra were too rare and problems like Shizuo were too exhausting. So he earnestly replied: "No need to worry, Shinra. I swear."

Before either of them could say anything else, Celty burst into the hallway in which they were standing, the shadows from her neck spilling into torrents of darkness and distress.

"Huh? Celty, what is-"

He was cut off as she thrust her PDA into his face for him to read.

_'He was sitting with me and talking to me but then he suddenly started crying because he felt scared and so I tried to calm him down but then he started to hyperventilate and he couldn't calm down!'_

"I understand, go an get some of the sedative I used earlier and wait outside of the room in case he won't calm down again." He said, already moving past the two people and heading straight for the guest room Shizuo had been resting in.

He gently pulled down the handle and crept in, closing it quietly as he walked in. "Shizuo?" He called out, careful not to scare the already distressed blonde as he moved to the bed in which a hunched figure sat, shaking and sobbing, breathing coming out in quick, irregular gasps.

"Shizuo, I'm going to need you to calm down," he said, kneeling on the bed next to his friend and rubbing circles into his back, frowning when shaking shoulders flinched harshly. "Shizuo, it's going to be okay, I promise." he said quietly, soothing the blonde. "I know you're scared right now but you're going to calm down and breathe and then we can talk and do whatever you like, okay?"

Shizuo didn't know what had happened. He was sitting on the bed with Celt , talking quietly when she brought up how he was dealing without his strength. At first he had tried explaining how he was having to adapt but when she kept asking question upon question, he couldn't keep up and had started to panic. He knew that Shinra was trying to help him and so he attempted to push away dark thoughts of the future of which he was unprepared.

It seems his voice was getting through to the blonde, as he started to lean into the brunette and sob against his chest.

"Shh, it's okay..." he whispered, continuing to run patterns into his back, sighing in relief when his breathing started to return to a more normal pace and the sobbing started to subside. "You're going to be okay," Shinra promised when the blonde finally stopped crying, his laboured breathing stable for the most part as he took deep breaths and tried to move backwards and wrap his trembling arms around himself which the brunette allowed him to do.

He reached forward to try and show some more support only to have Shizuo slap his hand away and lean against the wall. "Please don't touch me..." he whispered, eyes still clenched tight as he tried to completely calm down.

Shinra nodded in understanding, of course the blonde didn't want to be touched, he'd been trapped with a malicious person in a metal cage, he had thought he was going to die, he was scared and being surrounded by people wasn't helping, maybe he just needed to be left alone for a while to ground and calm himself. And maybe the reason he only thought of pros to leaving his friend alone was because he wasn't used to seeing the blonde so emotionally distressed which, in turn, upset him.

"Okay, Shizuo, we're going to leave you in here for a bit, okay? Me and Celty will be outside, come when you're ready," he said as he lifted himself off of the bed and stepped back, giving Shizuo a last once-over before he left. The blonde had closed his eyes and was clutching onto a discarded pillow. He sighed as he stepped out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.

_'How is he?'_ Celty asked as soon as she spotted him walking into their living room.

"He's calming down by himself right now, he just needs some time alone after what happened." He said, moving to sit down next to where Celty had been, facing Izaya who was leisurely sipping on a steaming mug of coffee, that shit-eating smirk of his holding back his laughter.

"So, Shinra, will you tell me what's going on with Shizu-chan?"

"Now why would I do that? Why do you want to know? It's not like he's a 'monster' anymore," He replied, frowning before adding an afterthought. "If you say anything to so with being an Informant, I'm going to kick you out."

Now that earned a wry chuckle from the raven. "I want to know because Shizu-chan will always be a monster and when monsters go out of control, somebody needs to contain them."

Before Shinra replied, he smiled up at Celty, who had also brought him a warm cup of coffee before placing a pale hand onto his back in a reassuring manner.

_'I want to know what's going on with him too, Shinra. I'm worried."_ she typed, showing him her PDA as she took a seat beside him.

"You're right, you're owed an explanation. You too, Izaya. You may not see eye-to-eye with Shizuo but, I guess that you're one of my friends and I kind of do want to talk about it."

Izaya remained silent, not wanting to ruin his chance by saying some snarky comment to get on Shinra's nerves and get him kicked out. Instead, he merely put his coffee down and looked directly at his friend to show that he was listening.

"Well, you may not believe this but, Shizuo has always been a very anxious person for a few reasons... His family always struggled with financial issues when he was been raised, and that's excluding the debts he raked up. That just made it worse," he started, sipping his coffee and relishing in the warmth it gave it as he thought out what he'd say next. "His parents loved him very much but, with all the stress they'd snap at him a lot, so whenever he did something he knew was wrong, he'd always feel anxious going home and would try to stay over here or hang out after school."

Celty started typing on her PDA making Shinra pause and watch at the way her hands shook softly knowing that she was reluctant to hear the answer of what she was going to ask. _'Did they ever... hit him? I know that he's stronger than his parents but, he would feel way to guilty to ever hurt them, no matter what.'_

Izaya looked genuinely curious at the possible answer, wondering if Shizuo would stoop so low as to hit his own parents just because of a couple slaps. Though, it's not as if he was ever put in that position. Despite his twisted appearance, him and his sisters were quite spoiled, their parents taking every chance to show them just how much they were loved.

"No, I don't think they ever hit him, they wouldn't do that. But they'd shout at him. He said that they would argue with each other on what to do with him when they thought he was sleeping."

"Haha! Of course they would, I bet they wanted to throw him into care!" Izaya burst out, laughing to himself, stopping short when he felt the heat of Shinra and Celty's glare, her shadows starting to dangerously swirl. "My bad..."

"School also stressed him out, you wasted a lot of his time by provoking him into chasing you, his grades dropped to an all time low so he had to spend hours a week studying with me. It was the teachers calling him back at the end of the day almost everyday to shout at him and tell him how bad his grades were that really got to him. At first he would get furious and break something before leaving but, when he came here afterwards I could see how upset he was, his anxiety just got worse from there. Now that he can't use his strength without Tanaka-san telling him to, he's paranoid that he's going to get attacked and won't be able to escape."

"But where does the claustrophobia thing come from?" Izaya asked.

"That, I do know. He'd just been operated on a few days ago and then suddenly he's trapped in a small space with his enemy; not to mention that the lift broke down and he thought he was going to die which is why he had an attack. That's enough for him to develop a phobia." Shinra said, leaning back and closing his eyes. He couldn't help but admit that he was worried for his friend. He was helpless and vulnerable without his strength however, he had realised that since the operation, Shizuo had seemed a lot calmer and happier, never losing his temper when seeing Izaya until today. That was definitely an improvement, if he could learn to control that temper around Izaya, he'd never have the types of problems he had pre-op. He smiled at that, thinking of the new life he was helping his friend build. Shizuo deserved happiness in his life, and through all of his attempts to experiment on his friend, all he truly wanted was for him to be content. Hearing Izaya's voice had brought a doubtful thought into his mind.

"Izaya," he said, catching the raven's attention. "If you use _any_ of this against Shizuo in _any_ way or get him hurt because of this information, I will never forgive you." He said staring directly into those cunning maroon orbs. Saying 'never' was quite an overstatement. He knew that if Shizuo received physical injuries, only days after they'd healed Shinra would be back to happily chattering away to Izaya the next time they met which was often.

_'Me neither.'_ Celty added, but the way her shadows coiled threateningly showed just how serious she was, she wouldn't allow Izaya to hurt her best friend and get away with it.

He smirked at them and nodded his head. "Understood."

"I need to hear you say it."

He mockingly put his hand on his heart and said "I swear, I will never use this against or as a way to harm Shizu-chan."

"Good," Shinra said, wincing as he thought about what he was going to ask of Izaya next. "Uh, I have a favour to ask of you, Izaya."

At this, the raven's interest piqued as he looked at Shinra expectantly.

Celty seemed to have sensed what her boyfriend was going to ask as she turned to face the brunette and shook her hands in a way that mean 'No way, anyone but him!'

"Will you let Shizuo stay with you for a while?"

Still smirking, Izaya blinked, thinking he'd misheard his bespectacled friend. "Stay with me?" he repeated raising a brow as a mop of brown hair nodded. He chuckled softly at the thought of a crying monster sat chained to a bed, unable to do anything but beg as he was at the mercy of Izaya's hand. But it seemed like it was too much trouble than it was worth. Yes, he loved to anger and provoke Shizuo, his violent outbursts and displays of brutality proved to be quite the entertainment and best way to reinforce into the brute's mind just what a destructive beast he was. The danger and exhilaration that coursed through his veins and left him exuberant for hours after a chase was what he thrived off of however, the proposal of having him babysit a mindless nuisance was something else entirely so instead he simply said no. "Why do you want him to stay with me anyway?" He asked curiously.

"Me and Celty are going to Ireland in a couple of days. I didn't expect Shizuo to have such bad anxiety." Shinra confessed, balling his hand as they rested on his knees.

"Anxiety? It was one fucking panic attack."

"I diagnosed him a while ago."

"Well get someone else to do it, I certainly have better things to do than supervise a crying Shizu-chan."

Shinra sighed in exasperation, Celty visibly slouching in the relief that came with knowing her best friend wouldn't have to stay with the devious informant. After years of fighting, Shizuo should be able to defend himself if it came down to it but, she still couldn't fully trust in his ability when he was going through emotional interval.

"Izaya please, I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate, I know that something bad's going to happen if I leave him alone."

"Then cancel the trip."

Celty seemed to sigh in dismay at the statement, her shadows swirling slowly and falling to the floor.

"I can't! We've been planning this for months. Please, Izaya. I'll owe you one."

Izaya decided to give in at that, Shinra owing him a favour was something that could come in handy if he needed someone to rely on under potentially perilous circumstances. "Okay, I agree. Shizu-chan can stay with me."

"Really?" Shinra said, his eyes widening slightly and gleaming with hope as he sat up straight. He hadn't actually expected Izaya to cave in so easily or for such a little price. Maybe he really treasured what Shinra could do for him when he was in need. The idea of it just made Shinra's smile all the more jovial.

"Yeah, after all, what are friends for?" He wasn't doing this for Shizuo, he was doing it for Shinra because, although he wasn't an affectionate person, Shinra was good to him and was always there for him, the least he owed him was agreeing to something he wanted.

"Thank you, Izaya. I really appreciate it. I'll tell Shizuo when he comes back out, he's probably sleeping right now, he was quite exhausted when I went in there."

"Okay, but remember, just because I agreed to take him in, doesn't mean he'll agree," the raven said, standing up to get his coat. "I'm going to head home now."

"Of course, when Shizuo agrees, I'll bring him over tomorrow?"

"Sure." he replied, walking to the hallway that led to the door with a trailing Shinra following behind.

"Thank you, he'll be there at around midday."

"Okay." He said, walking out of the door and into the open. The subtle cold of the afternoon was starting to blend into the night, rising to more wintry levels. Evenings began to slip quicker into the darkness of night, satisfying to the informant who flourished under the concealment and anonymity it provided. As he walked through the desolate streets of Ikebukuro leading towards his apartment, he stepped on a fallen frangible leaf that crunched into fragments underfoot, leaving pale marks of red and gold. He couldn't prevent a smirk from twisting his lips: it was the start of a new season and a new change in his and a monster's relationship and by the time it had come to an end, someone or something should surely be shattered beyond repair.


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday 8th February

10:23

Shinra knocks on the apartments door, the sounds reverberating as sharp and eager as the smile on his face. Or maybe it's a smirk, maybe he's hoping Izaya kills him while he's in Ireland, that's the only logical reason as to why he'd dumped Shizuo here.

* * *

10:03

"You want me to what?" Shizuo had asked, slightly narrowing his eyes as he stared at the two sitting on the couch in front of him.

Shinra sighed, tipping his head back and taking a moment to collect his thoughts and plan out exactly what it was he wanted to say. Before he could've even sat back up, he heard Shizuo quickly decline. He realised that Celty must have typed what he was going to say and showed it to Shizuo in the hopes that he'd listen to his closest friend.

"Please, Shizuo," Shinra had said, his voice a lot quieter than his usually cheery one, exhaustion reaching its' peak. "It's no big deal, we just want you to stay with him for a while."

"'No big deal'?" Shizuo repeated. "Me staying with the louse who tries to kill me and has fun in provoking me while I'm having a panic attack is no big deal?" Anger had started to bubble in him and rise to the surface, showing up in the way he started to growl and clench his fists. How dare they even suggest such an idea, by the time he left, one of them, if not both, would be seriously injured, or better yet dead. Just the thought of waking up to the sound of that pest talking or typing or even breathing was enough to rile him up.

"Shizuo, just-"

"No." He'd gotten up and walked over to the kitchen to make himself some tea, disregarding the way Shinra pleadingly looked at Celty in the hopes that she would manage to somehow change his mind. It was already 10 o'clock, they needed to get him compliant in time to get to Izaya's apartment.

Shizuo got a mug and slammed it onto the counter, though not hard enough to even crack it.

'Shizuo, please consider this.' Celty had typed, her elegant fingers hovering above the key pad as she looked up at Shizuo's frowning face.

"Why do you want me to go so much, am I that bad to have around..?" He'd mumbled, looking down at his empty mug in dismay.

Noticing his self-doubt, Celty was quick to reassure him, frantically waving her hands in a way that showed that he had gotten the wrong message. 'It's just that... Well, we would be happy for you to stay here but, Shinra and I have been planning a trip to Ireland for the past couple of months, so...'

The blonde furrowed his eyebrows in thought. Ireland? Oh, right, Celty's from Ireland.

'I just wanted to discover things about myself but, I guess if you really don't want to go with Izaya, we can always cancel the trip...' Just typing the message made her shoulders droop with disappointment.

Shizuo started to shift his weight from one foot to the other in discomfort and guilt, Celty would have to miss out on an amazing trip with her boyfriend all because he was too stubborn to stay with his enemy. He bit his lip, as he thought of alternate ideas that would allow her to still go.

"Why can't I just stay at my own house?" He asked, looking down at his mug.

'No matter what you say, you're not entirely okay right now, you need someone there in case you panic at home and can't calm down.'

"How would that pest help? You do know what he did last time, right?"

When Celty types, she was a lot more hesitant, continuously deleting what she'd typed just as Shinra stepped in.

"He promised me he'd look after you Shizuo, if that's not enough for you, then just don't go. Celty'll just cancel the trip, so we can look after you," Shinra's says, helping Celty explain.

Shizuo isn't as dumb as he may initially seem; he knows Shinra's displeased and maybe even angry or frustrated, he can tell by the intense look Shinra gives him and the way his voice is peppered with the flame of indignation. He can tell that holiday means everything to him if it means excluded time with his beloved.

That must be the only reason he opened his mouth and said yes.

* * *

10:23

And that brings us to now. They never heard the soft pad of feet approach before the door was pulled open, a smirking Izaya fully presented to them in his usually attire of a black long-sleeve top and black jeans that hugged his slender legs.

"Well, we'll be off!" Shinra chimed, offering an impossible large and goofy grin before grabbing Celty's hands and walking away. Celty herself only waved before she turned her back, not offering a single word on her PDA. Only, Izaya hadn't expected them to leave so soon, days earlier than Shinra had told him the night before. "How come you're leaving so early?" He yelled to the retreating backs which only seemed to increase the speed of their escape. When they had finally left and disappeared from his line of sight, Izaya turned to look at Shizuo, whose eyes were still plastered in Shinra's exiting direction, probably reluctant to meet his gaze.

"Well well, Shizuo, don't be a stranger," he said, and Shizuo didn't even need to turn around, he could hear the smirk in the flea's words, already begging for a fist to the face. And Shizuo had so hoped to keep his temper in check. How stupid of him, almost naïve if he didn't already have so much knowledge and experience concerning Izaya. He closed his eyes and slowly exhaled, something Tom had told him to do, before lifting the two duffel bags at his sides and moving into the open apartment. Izaya had moved from the doorway, although he hadn't heard the footsteps, and was seated at his desk, temporarily ignoring Shizuo's presence to continue with the work he'd been doing prior to the interruption.

And so he slammed the door close behind him and dumped his bags off to the side, taking a moment to look around. As much as he hated the flea, the apartment he lived in was far superior to his own. Straight ahead was Izaya's desk complete with a mess of paperwork and accompanied with a similar one he assumed was for his assistant. Most of the wall left to Izaya was covered with a bookcase. As he walked further into the apartment, he could see that to his left was a living room area with long, black sofas and a coffee table, an open kitchen further right and stairs leading to what he could guess was the bedrooms and bathrooms.

"Yours is the last room down the corridor upstairs." Izaya offhandedly says to him, not even bothering to look up from the screen or keyboard.

Shizuo huffs and heads for the stairs, making his way past the doors and to the last one which he opens and steps inside. There's a bed and a wardrobe and enough floor space that Shizuo is satisfied with. He throws his bags to the side, deciding against unpacking them because that would make their arrangement seem to permanent. He doesn't want to be stuck here for more than a few weeks, the notion of panicking in the presence of his enemy again sends a violent shiver down his spine and he shakes his head to dispel the thought.

He won't panic anymore. He'll show Izaya and Celty and Shinra that he's independent and can deal with himself, can show them he's not weak or incompetent. That he's not afraid.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Saturday 8th February**_

 _ **12:34**_

"There, your stupid food is ready." Namie shouts from the kitchen. "Lucky I forgot to bring any poison today." She adds under her breath as she stirs the pot of soup one last time and replaces the lid. She pads around the kitchen, doing whatever it is she feels the need to be doing as she waits for her boss to speak up.

Izaya just lets out a quiet huff from where he was sat at his desk, ignoring her in favour of idly browsing through the Dollars homepage in search of anything to quench his curiosity and boredom. He was currently half-way through a big job one of his client's had requested, though at the moment he could do nothing but wait for his trusted acquaintance who goes by the name 'Virus' to hack into the suspects email and send him what he finds. It seemed to be taking longer than he'd anticipated, and yet he couldn't take up any other offers as he progressed with this job since it would be largely time-consuming once they were back on track.

He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair before turning to stare out of his window. A lazy smile spread across his lips as he watched Shinjuku's skyline and the people who commuted below it, imagining himself outrunning Shizuo on one of infamous chases through Tokyo. It got him to start thinking about the beast and the fun he'd soon have provoking him.

Why wait? He thinks to himself, getting up and creeping up the stairs. He hadn't heard from Shizuo since he'd went to his new bedroom two hours ago and he entertained the idea that he'd somehow escaped by scaling the side of the building and had already begun rampaging through the streets. What a wonderful idea it was, thinking that Shizuo would go through the trouble of using that monstrous strength to scale a wall instead of just marching down the stairs and out of the door in the hopes of avoiding confrontation.

Izaya only then remembers that Shizuo can't actually use his strength unless he's told to by somebody of power, like Tom as that's his boss. Maybe even me, since he's living in my house under my rules.

It makes a smirk twist his lips and a muted chuckle spill past that only increases when he opens the door to see a sleeping body spread across the double bed.

He slips into the room leaving the door wide open as he skulks up towards the bed, pausing to look down at the unconscious blonde. His hair is fanned out across the pillow and ono his face, his lips parted slightly to release light exhales of breath. The lack of a frown or glare makes him look younger, more at peace with the world and his surroundings and Izaya doesn't appreciate it. He's a beast so he's supposed to look like one, whether he's asleep or wide awake.

He thinks of all the ways he could possibly wake Shizuo: a bucket of water, screaming at the top of his lungs, kicking him out of the bed, the possibilities are endless. But he suddenly has the sadistic urge to make Shizuo feel helpless and at his mercy.

He also wants to have fun and enjoy watching his reactions, which is why he chooses to pick up a pillow that has been discarded on the floor and quietly straddle him. He then firmly places the pillow onto Shizuo's face and start to shake it and the bed as he moves around.

Shizuo quickly jerks awake to the feeling of being smothered, quickly realising it as reality. His hands instinctively reach up to grab the pillow and try to pull it away, a muffled cry making it's way past his lips. When he realises the person hasn't so much as budged, he tries to thrash his own body in an attempt dislodge the one above, only to feel the legs straddling him and trapping him in place.

His eyes are watering from panic and his throat constricting. In the little space he has to breathe, breaths spills from him in rushed, punctuated gasps. He moves his hands to the person's wrist, pulling at them in vain. His heart is beating faster and faster and faster in his chest, painfully pounding against his ribs as if it were about to rip itself from his body at any moment in its haste to get oxygen.

Oxygen, something he isn't getting enough of, his lungs are screaming and begging and pleading and it's feeling like one of those panic attacks he swore he wouldn't have.

It's as he's about to start screaming does the grip loosen and the legs move until the pillow's on the floor and so is his attacker, laughing manically as Shizuo sits up and grips his hair.

His eyes are closed and there are tears spilling past, his breaths coming out rushed and panicked. His limbs feel heavy with the sensation of pins and needles and as he pulls at his blonde strands, longing for the light-headed feeling that makes him dizzy to dissipate. He thinks he hears someone call "Come down when you're ready to eat." and light footsteps, but there's blood rushing to his head and his ears are pounding so he can't be sure.

He opens his eyes to look around, calm himself down, ground himself, assure himself. He looks up just in time to see Izaya's back retreating from the doorframe and thinks It's okay, it was just the flea messing with you. The grip on his hair is tightening, his legs curling up so that his knees are level with his chest as he forces himself to breathe, because it was only a stupid joke.

He stays like this for what could easily have been 20 minutes before he can find the strength to stand up, and even then his limbs feel unnaturally light and buzz with the after-feeling of pins and needles. He walks from the room slowly, his legs shaking with the effort of keeping him balanced and even then, he's clutching the walls for support. He walks down the stairs and stops, searching for Izaya before moving towards the kitchen table and sitting opposite him in front of a steaming bowl of soup.

"Make it yourself next time!" He hears a woman shout punctuated by the slam of a door. He whirls around to stare at the offending door before turning back to Izaya in confusion.

"My secretary." He offers, eyebrows raised and a smirk adorning his face.

But Shizuo doesn't even blink at that, just turns to his food and starts to eat. It's warm and soothing and so he tries to block out the unwanted presence before him and his restless heart and focus on enjoying the food. There's nothing special about it, but it's enough for him to savour and probably better than what he thinks he'd be able to do.

Izaya frowns at that. He can see that the blonde is paler than he was earlier, and his hands are trembling as he starts to eat. There's a small feeling gnawing away at the back of his mind, something he can't quite put his finger on. It's mostly likely guilt, but in his mind he has nothing to feel guilty for, he only waked and fed the beast. And yes, maybe almost suffocating him wasn't the best way to go about it but at least he's awake and eating.

"Beasts like you don't even deserve to eat, you should be crying out with how grateful you are." Izaya mutters, looking up to challenge Shizuo's own glare.

"Maybe if you weren't such a disgusting piece of shit I would say 'thanks'." Shizuo growls back, his grip on his chopsticks strengthening. He's still having to make an effort to breathe steadily, still shaken from almost suffocating. He's not sure why Izaya would go that far to distress him, especially when he hadn't so much as swore at him since he'd arrived but the thoughts are quickly pushed away. He lets out an irritated huff and turns back to his food, deciding to ignore the flea and the way he's started to laugh at him.

When he's finished laughing at the brute, he just smirks and starts to eat his own food. When he's done, he leans back and stretches and stand and walks into the kitchen. Shizuo can hear the clatter of the bowl landing on the counter and decides to wait until the pest has left the kitchen before following to put away his own dishes. He watches as Izaya walks over to his desk and begins typing before he stands and makes his way to the sink.

"Wash up the dishes, Shizu-chan!" Izaya shouts to the blonde, smirking as he turns to looks at him with a frown.

"It's not my house." He says in growing frustration. "So why don't you stop ruining people's lives for a couple of minutes and do it yourself." He turns away and makes back towards the stairs to hideout in his room but stop when he hears Izaya shout back in reply.

"Yeah, it is my house, isn't it? It's my house so you live under my rules, and if you think you'll get away without doing some housework, you're sorely mistaken." Izaya isn't smirking anymore, it's twisted into an unapprovingly frown. "So go and make your worthless self helpful and wash the damn dishes."

Nobody speaks for a while after that, but Shizuo can feel a familiar sting in his eyes and his throat constricting from the heavy silence after confrontation. Izaya is back to typing and he walks towards the kitchen with his head lowered, his heavy footsteps a symphony with the click-click-click from Izaya's computer and the sporadic, muted buzz of traffic from outside. The sounds are amplified in his mind and something he uses as a distraction as he washes the bowls and cups in warm soapy water.

Izaya only scowls as he watches the blonde sulk, think with a heavy feeling of exasperation, of how the next few weeks would drag on and on. Contrary to what most may think, Izaya truly did hate Shizuo; much more than Shizuo would ever find in himself to hate Izaya. The reason being, Izaya hated Shizuo like a God would hate a Devil, whereas Shizuo hated Izaya like someone would hate an annoying co-worker.

Shizuo walks past Izaya and to the living room, sitting on the biggest sofa and leaning his head back. He's bored and has nothing to do. If he were at home, he's maybe go for a cigarette but he's all out and doubts he's be allowed to go to the shops to buys some without a lot of unnecessary hassle, so he reaches for where the remote is laying on a pillow and begins to idly flick through the channels in the hopes of finding something interesting.

Unlike the few channels he has on his TV at home, Izaya has more than Shizuo ever thought you could have and actually finds something that catches his eyes, _'Vampire Ninja Carmilla Saizou'_ , the first movie his brother was in. His lips flicker upwards into a small smile as he sees Kasuka appear on screen, wielding some heavy looking sword and adorned in fake cuts and bruises, though his happiness is short-lived as Izaya decides to pad over and sit on the sofa next to the one he's in.

He'd been watching as Shizuo had started watching the movie and smiling and had not liked it one bit. A dreadfully unsatisfying feeling had started to pulse through his veins and he'd wanted nothing more to wipe he smile off of the stupid brute's face, which is why he's now sitting at one of the chairs surrounding the coffee table with the remote he'd snatched from Shizuo in one hand and his laptop in another. He matches Shizuo's glare with one of his smirks and pressed the red button on the remote, quickly switching the TV and Shizuo's only distraction off.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Shizuo yells at the brunette, his hands curled into fist.

"It's my TV, I can do whatever the hell I want." Izaya offers back, suddenly indifferent eyes looking down at his laptop screen as he resumes typing. "And it's not your place to question what I do, this is-"

"Your home! I get it! I remembered, it's not like I can forget!" Because Izaya's all-too-kindly reminded him of that little fact since he first stepped foot into the apartment. "But you don't have to such a fucking shit about everything." He adds, snarling as he looks down at the frowning informant. "But what did I expect?" He mutters, causing Izaya to look up.

"What did I expect from someone like you? You're nothing but an immature, frustrating little brat!" He's hysterical as he shouts, pure rage and frustration pouring out into his words that ring in the short-lived normalcy. "You don't deserve even half of the things that you have."

"And you deserve everything you get." Izaya says, his eyes narrowed and spiteful that contradict the light and amused tone he speaks with. "You deserve the anxiety and attacks and everything bad that has and will happen to you."

"You deserve everything bad, because you're a monster, Shizu-chan."

 _"You're a monster."_ He repeats, and then he starts to laugh at the way Shizuo's furious expression drops.

He can't really reply to that. He know he's a monster and he knows he deserves this and so he can't reply. Just feels that all-too-familiar sting behind his eyes and the tears that are now welling. It's pathetic, he thinks, the way he has so many tears that are just waiting to be spilt, like he was a glass filled with water that sloshed around whenever he moved or spoke, inevitable droplets spilling out each time. But he doesn't let Izaya see that bit, he marches up the stairs and into his room with the slam of a door and sits on the edge of his bed and just allows the tears roll down his face and drip from his chin.

He's not crying, he thinks. He's just letting water drain from his eyes. He's not crying because he's making no noise, he thinks. Just sitting in the near-silence of sadness and traffic.

His hands are trembling but that's just because he's cold, he thinks. That must explain why his whole body is also shaking, that's the only reason he can think of.

His throat is hurting and stinging from the lump that he feels is growing there and thinks he must be getting a sore throat or something.

Regardless of what he thinks, he gasps out loud, and then there's a strangled groan that escapes too. He just interlocks his fingers and rests them on his lap and close his eyes and breathes.

In and out and in an out until he feels that the tears tracking down his face have dried and his shaking is down to a minimum. After that, he just opens those dull, honey eyes and stares ahead at the plain white door.

He wishes it would open, wishes someone -maybe Kasuka or Celty- would walk through and hold him and tell him it was okay and that he was just being silly and _why don't we go and get some Russian Sushi?_

He wishes with all he has because there's nothing he can think of wanting more than that. But the door remains closed and the room remains silent and he feels as if he was in an unholy purgatory, with no hope of release without breaking through his sudden confines of numbness that smother him.


End file.
